My Husband Said He Was "Just Trying One On." That Was Tuesday.
I bought the three-pack as a gag for the man who already owns every useful thing. He has worn it eleven of the last fourteen days. The two I meant to give away never left the house. Here's how that happened.
The problem with buying for him
If you're married to a man who rides, skis, hunts, fishes or does all four, you know the shelf. The engraved tumbler. The "I'd rather be riding" shirt. The visor wipes. The beard beanie that was funny for one photo and then lived in the glovebox. He already researched his own helmet. He has the good gloves. Anything useful I could buy, he'd already bought better.
So this year I gave up on useful and went for a reaction. A video kept showing up in my feed — a woman at a red light on a cruiser with an 80-year-old man's face under her half helmet, a cop saying "ma'am, that is inappropriate." I laughed every time. I ordered the three-pack, $44.99 for all three faces, because the math was silly not to and I figured his two brothers could have the other two.
Tuesday
It arrived in a small box. He opened it in the kitchen "to check the size," pulled the Mustache one over his head and turned around, and I have not laughed that hard at my own husband in a decade. It is a photo-real bald, freckled, red-nosed grandpa with a grey handlebar mustache — and the eyes are a regular open slot, so it's his eyes looking out of an 84-year-old's face. That's the part. That's the whole thing. He said he was just trying it on.
He walked the dog in it. The neighbor across the street stopped raking. He came back, took it off, and put it in his jacket pocket instead of the box.
Wednesday through Sunday
Wednesday he scraped the windshield in it. Thursday he picked the kids up in it, and I now have four photos from other parents in the pickup line. Saturday he rode in it — pulled down as a neck gaiter under the helmet on the road, pulled up at the gas station, where the attendant asked where it was from and wrote it down. Sunday the Smoker one, the one that was supposed to be his brother's, was in his other jacket.
What I didn't expect
I expected a gag. What I didn't expect is that it's a real balaclava — thin windproof stretch knit that tucks under his collar, the same kind he already rides in when it gets cold, just with the face printed into the fabric. It washes cold, it goes in a pocket, the print hasn't cracked. He's wearing it because it's warm and also because every red light is a show.
His brothers did eventually get theirs. The photo of the three of them is now the family group-chat icon, and I ordered a second three-pack for the trip in February, because the first one isn't coming back.
Eleven of the last fourteen days. For $44.99, that is the best gift math I have ever done.
Get All 3 — $44.99 → Just One — $19.99 →Pick the face on the next page · Free U.S. shipping · 30-day money-back
If you're shopping for one of these men
Mustache is the distinguished one. Smoker is the grumpy one — grey hair, a scowl, and a cigarette in the print, so for a kid or a workplace pick one of the other two. Toothless Smile is thrilled to be here. One is $19.99. All three are $44.99, which is $59.97 for three singles, so the third face costs about five bucks — and in my experience none of them get given away.
Mustache
Smoker
Toothless SmileThe fine print I checked before ordering
One stretch size. It pulls on over most heads and snugs down; on a very big head expect snug rather than loose. It's a novelty outdoor mask, not protective equipment — the eye opening is a regular open slot, so the view is what it is in any ski mask, and it's not for anywhere face coverings aren't allowed. 30 days to send it back if it doesn't get a laugh. Ours got a laugh.
Other people's Tuesdays
Best $45 I've spent on Christmas. Got the three-pack for my husband and his two brothers. They opened them at the same time and the photo of the three grandpas is now the family group-chat icon.
Lena S. — Three-pack · Gift for the brothersWarm enough for the deer stand. Four hours in a stand at 18 degrees and my face was fine. Pulled it down as a gaiter walking out. My brother-in-law nearly fell out of his stand laughing.
Beau T. — Mustache · Hunting campBreathes well on the bike — size runs snug. Cold-morning commutes, breathes better than my neoprene one and doesn't fog my glasses. One-size stretch is snug on my big head — still fits. Every red light is a show.
Kyle F. — Smoker · Winter cyclingReviews reflect individual customer experiences. Individual results vary.
Winter batch. When the three faces sell out, they're gone until next season. In stock while you're reading this means it ships.
The gift that doesn't go on the shelf
All three — $44.99 ★ MOST POPULAR ★ One of each · save $14.98 · the third face for $5.01.
One — $19.99 (reg. $49.99) · Mustache, Smoker or Toothless Smile.
FREE U.S. shipping · 30-day money-back if it doesn't get a laugh · Ships from the U.S.
Get the Three-Pack →Real windproof balaclavas · One stretch size · Wash cold, air dry
Quick questions
Is it actually warm, or just a gag?
Both. Underneath the print it's a real outdoor balaclava — windproof, warm and breathable, the same job as the plain black one.
Does it fit under a helmet?
The fabric is thin and stretchy, so helmets, goggles and sunglasses go straight over it.
Will it arrive in time?
Orders ship from our U.S. warehouse with free U.S. shipping and tracking by email. If it's in stock, it ships.
What if he hates it?
30 days from delivery to send it back for a refund of the purchase price. Damaged on arrival gets a no-questions replacement.
Winter batch · Free U.S. shipping · 30-day money-back